I have been having a crisis as I have realised I have no idea what I’m going to do in the future; completely no idea. Normally I’m ok with things like this. I just find the most viable option and go with that but this is a different ballgame. The thought of applying to university and even the mention of UCAS makes me feel physically sick.
I know for a fact I want to go to university, I’ve worked my ass off for years to get to this point. However, there’s one big issue; I have so many interests a. I’ve been told I’m good at so many things and now I feel I’ve been pulled in so many directions, that I genuinely have no idea where I’m going.
Now, that may sound extremely self-centred but there is a reason why I say this. I grew up being told constantly that I could do anything I set my mind to; but as I don’t want to disappoint people, I never really decided on my own. I’m very strong-minded and stubborn, but I’m also riddled with anxiety when it comes to most things. Making the wrong decision terrifies me. Going to university has many financial implications, so getting it wrong and wasting money is really not an option for me. I don’t want to be stuck in a situation where I am both miserable and in debt. A mixture of happiness and debt I can deal with.
That also doesn’t help when deciding what country I want to study, what degree type I want to do and where I want to be located. There are so many decisions to be made and honestly, I don’t even know which one to start with.
I understand that I have my whole life to decide what I really want to do, but I don’t. I understand the economic climate, even finding a job in my chosen field will be difficult enough. What will also be difficult will be finding a job that I enjoy, that is in my field, that also supports me financially.
A lot of people might feel that I’m overthinking stuff and I need to follow my dreams. I can’t just do that. I understand how important it is to support myself and to make sure I can get a job out of what I’m doing. If I can’t support myself over long periods of time, then what is the point of being in debt for my dreams?
If you have similar issues in regards to big decisions, here are some links I feel might be helpful:
Psychology Today – A guide to making mindful important decisions
Bustle – Major life decisions that are ok to make without being certain